we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
