She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
