I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
