There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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