I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
