Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
