Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
