Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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