My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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