I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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