I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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