Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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