Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
