he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
