I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
