I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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