The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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