I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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