Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
