They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize