I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
