Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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