I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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