And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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