I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
