Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
