No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
