My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
