I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
