when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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