Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
