saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
