Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
