Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
