Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
