David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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