Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let's paint friendship bongs
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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