It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love having hate sex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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