I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
