totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
