3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He shit in the fireplace
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize