You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
