Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
