You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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