hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
