I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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