Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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