dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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