I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
