totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
