When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
