turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
