I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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