god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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