Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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