just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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