I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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