one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize