Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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