chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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