This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
