He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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