The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
