grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just high enough for therapy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All the doctor said was why
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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