he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
