dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm passing your future prison.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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