i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
