so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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