I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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