She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
