Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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