I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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