Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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