Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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