I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just forgot I was standing up.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
